South Park : Bigger, Longer, & Uncut
(Eric Cartman, Stan, Kyle, Chef, and the rest of the gang!)
By: Kansur

     Four eight-year-olds and a rated R movie. What the hell kind of movie is this? Probably one of those weak ass home made movies. WRONG! The South Park movie was one of a kind. The only animated film to ever receive a rating of R. Is that right? Think about it. No freaky Disney movie will ever make a rated R movie (even with all those hidden sex scenes). Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the creators of South Park, are freaks of nature. Sure we all had weird minds when we were 8, but Parker and Stone are the first to ever keep those ideas and animate them.

     I went to see the South Park movie for one reason. I'm a fanatic of South Park. I collect every episode on my computer, a whole lot of images, sounds, and even the DVDs! I wasn't planning on going to see the movie until the weekend, but I had a chance to go with a bunch of my friends of the first day, Wednesday. Good thing my summer school schedule allows me to!

     So back to the movie. I had so many expectations of the movie. So many rumors were spread about the plot of the movie, maybe a year before it was actually released. Since I'm a fanatic, and I've seen every episode of South Park (even the unaired ones) I really wanted to know if Parker and Stone could keep their audience laughing. Recent episodes had given me the assumption that they couldn't. The most recent episode, Jakovasaurs (pronounced Jack-Off-Uh-Sores), was more annoying then funny. They attempted to make fun of the even more annoying Jar Jar Binks in the now infamous movie, EP1-TPH. I also had the impression that Parker and Stone made this movie in order to keep the show alive and fresh, and also to keep themselves in the celebrity loop. Of course, you don't really see Parker and Stone on The Tonight Show or what have you. South Park : Bigger, Longer & Uncut can be summed up in three words: IT'S DAMN HILARIOUS!! It's a must see, even if you are not a South Park fan. Just read the title! That's hilarious in itself! (Think nasty, you'll get it)

     So you want spoilers huh? Well, too damn bad! I'll give you the plot and some tidbits, but that's all! GO SEE THE MOVIE! I know my recommendation is suppose to appear at the end of the review, but I couldn't wait :P GO SEE IT!

     If you don't keep up with South Park, here's the low down. Stan, Cartman, Kyle and Kenny are 3rd graders who live in a small town in Colorado. This town has everythingl Satan, Jesus, Scuzzlebutts, etc. On this day, the kid's favorite TV show, Terrance & Phillip, have a movie coming out, also rated R (Hmm...) They sneak into the movie buy hiring a bum to pay for their tickets. They watched this movie, which contains the word "fuck" about 2093092392359023 times in the first 5 minutes. Ok, maybe I exaggerated, but that's what it sounded like. Terrance and Phillip even sing a song called "Uncle-fucker" which will have you saying those words for the rest of the day. Of course, the kids pick up this language, and Kyle's mom, being the bitch she is, starts up M.A.C, Mothers Against Canadians. Oh yeah, Terrance and Phillip are Canadians! So this leads up to the war between Canadians and South Park. Kenny, being the most unluckiest kid on the face of this planet, dies impersonating Terrance and Phillip with a fire-fart. The kids attempt to stop this war.. blah blah :P Normal action movie flick from now on. Kenny, being in Hell, spies on Satan and Saddam Hussein. Satan is Saddam's bitch. Satan is suppose to be buff and all, but Parker and Stone make him feminine. So, as the movie goes on, Satan stands up for himself, with the help of Kenny. Satan then grants Kenny one wish, and he of course wishes for the war to end and for everything to go back to normal. The town is shocked at how generous Kenny is. This would mean Kenny would stay dead, since his wish could have been to come back to life!! That's damn insane :P Anyways, Kenny is unhooded and you actually see his face!! He also talks!! No mumbling here... he says goodbye. So the movie ends...

     There was one thing that really got on my nerves in this movie. Parker and Stone made it a musical. Every 15-20 minutes, someone would come up and sing a song. Whether it's Satan, or Saddam, Parker and Stone spent too much time on the songs, and less on the insults. We want the insults damnit!

     This movie is TOTALLY meant for 18-year-olds and up. The theatre was carding people for tickets, and even before you entered the theatre. This movie is so damn hilarious, I swear you'll fall to the floor laughing. There's nudity (men and women), foul language (a whole mess of it!!) and there's music (which they could do without).

     So to sum it all up once again; This movie was hilarious. It stood up to South Park humor and probably surpassed it. The jokes about Saddam and the MPAA are hilarious. Parker and Stone made no attempt to be politically correct. They made fun of every single race in every way possible. Even if you are not a South Park fan, you will laugh, I guarantee it.

*** 1/2 out of 4
Babe-o-meter: 1 out of 4- Unless you get hard on big boobed animated angels from heaven.

SOUTH PARK: BIGGER, LONGER, & UNCUT
(Trey Parker, Matt Stone)

by Gerry Wang

   
    Ever get a nagging suspicion the world is going to hell? Well, after watching SOUTH PARK: BIGGER, LONGER, & UNCUT, I've realized that this is entirely true. Never before have I seen something so foul, obscene, raunchy, explicit, abhorrent, outrageous, and especially sacriligeous. SOUTH PARK has defiled all the principles of order among mankind. It has blatantly set back the advancement of civilization a few decades.

    And you know what? I fucking loved it. It was what I've always dreamt and hoped SOUTH PARK would be. Not only has it met the almighty Gerry Wang Toilet Humor Quota, but it is also a poignant social commentary on the media and the whole obsession w/ political correctness. Satire has never been so cute. Through daring gags and caustic jabs at the oppression of civil rights, SOUTH PARK creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone have created the ultimate animated desecration of the status quo.

    Many will hate this movie. There's a huge amount of cursing. There are tasteless attacks on innocent institutions, ranging from the entire country of Canada to Christianity and God. Celebrities are absolutely skewered, as we see people like Bill Gates totally butchered and Winona Ryder shoot ping pong balls out of her pussy. In fact, there is a Holy Grail type of thing in SOUTH PARK. I won't even bother telling you what it is. You'll have to see it for yourself.

    But people will also love this movie tremendously, because it takes risks and is unafraid to challenge the whole idea of being politically correct. SOUTH PARK: BIGGER, LONGER, & UNCUT may be obscene, but it is never offensive. At least it never intends to be. No minorities are singled out to be made fun of-- all minorities are. All religions are blasted. And Parker and Stone don't try to pinpoint the media as the cause of violence among children; neither do they portray it as a savior.

    The message of SOUTH PARK is that parents are responsible for their children. I did not feel as if I was watching a movie whose sole purpose was debauchery. It was meant to be didactic. In the movie, our favorite tykes Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny sneak into watch the new Terrance and Philip movie, "Asses of Fire," which is rated R. After watching it, they pick up the foul language, and soon, all the children of South Park are cussing. Naturally, the mothers blame the media eventually Canada, where Terrance & Philip are from. So a war ensues between the US and Canada. Oh yeah, this is also the catalyst for Apocalypse, and Satan and Saddam Hussein will come back from Hell to rule the Earth.

    You aren't supposed to take this outlandish plot seriously. It merely provides a backdrop for Parker and Stone's take on current events. In the wake of the Columbine shootings, there has been a stiffening of the coalition against violence in the media. People have deplored video games like QUAKE II and whatever else you people play. (Editorial =P) People have pointed the finger at Hollywood, and the result is an oppression of our 1st Amendment, particularly by the MPAA. If you didn't know, SOUTH PARK was repeatedly sent to the editing room to be toned down. Even the title had to be changed. Little did the MPAA realize that the title still suggests a penis. This is Parker and Stone's way of taking a shit on censorship.

    What SOUTH PARK says to America is that, Why the hell are we pointing fingers at Hollywood? The fingers should be pointed directly at the parents. Yes, the parents should point to themselves for all the shit that's been going on lately. Parents are responsible for teaching their kids values. Parents are the ones who should monitor their children's TV/movie/video games habits. If you don't want your kid to watch a bloody, violent movie, then go TURN IT OFF!!! Don't castigate the filmmakers who merely want to express their vision through art.

    All I wanna say is that SOUTH PARK: BIGGER, LONGER, & UNCUT is touching and sweet. It pays tribute to Star Wars, anime, and especially musicals. I freakin loved all the songs on SOUTH PARK. There are many musical numbers, each w/ an important message that furthers the plot. Trust me, you'll be humming along and singing the hilarious lyrics. Reminds you of those good ol' Broadway shows and Disney songs. Parker and Mark Shaiman did a great job writing original music. I can't wait to get the soundtrack. Damn I hope they include the musical numbers.

    And there are also treats for SOUTH PARK fans. We get to see the kids walk moving their feet, we get to see Kenny w/o a parka, and we get to see Cartman's hair. And we also get to see Cartman's mom being a slut, more Terrance & Philip, Saddam Hussein meeting an untimely end...... it's great. We get to see Parker and Stone unleash their vision w/o the restraints of cable-- a return to the original "Spirit of Christmas" that started it all. I actually felt nostalgic hearing "pigfucker" for the first time in this movie.

***1/2 out of 4