The Bone Collector
(By Gerry Wang)

(Denzel Washington, Angelina Jolie, Ed O'Neill, Queen Latifah)

by Gerry Wang

    When I left the theater after watching THE BONE COLLECTOR, I felt ripped off. Not just from the exorbitant ticket prices or "bargain" popcorn deal. Not just because a ton of idiot cholos kept hootin and hollering during the movie. Not because when I used the urinal, the horrible focal angle caused my pants to be splashed a bit.

    No, what ultimately left me feeling short-changed was the stupid ending to THE BONE COLLECTOR, which came out of left field and destroyed the movie as a whole. So what, you ask, Not all movies are perfect! I know, but you see, THE BONE COLLECTOR had potential. It really did. It coulda been SE7EN: The female version. But instead, it was the NBC-TV MOVIE OF THE WEEK.

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    Damn, I'm bitter. THE BONE COLLECTOR got part of the formula right, but not the whole thing. It had a beautiful female protagonist played by Angelina Jolie (Oh man, I have a crush on her), and it had an equally captivating leading man, played by Denzel Washington (one of my favorite black actors, right next to Chris Rock). It also had one of the best serial-killer movie supporting casts I've ever seen.

    Ed O'Neill (TV's Al Bundy) plays Denzel's goofy cop-buddy. Queen Latifah is the hefty nurse who cares for Denzel. There was also a tubby Hispanic guy that was excellent as another buddy of Denzel's. The camaraderie seemed totally realistic, and the banter between the gang was hilarious.

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    THE BONE COLLECTOR is basically a search-for-the-killer type movie, where the serial murderer kills people in bizarre manners, and leaves clues that explains how everything ties together. I love these kinds of movies. The quest for the answer to the riddle is always the best part. In THE BONE COLLECTOR, we get a glimpse into the fascinating world of forensics.

    Angelina Jolie's character is a regular street cop who happens to stumble onto the scene of the crime. She's later recruited by quadriplegic forensics cop Denzel Washington. But she's a rookie, and she's also squeamish. But she's got talent, and Denzel sees it. Angelina becomes his eyes and ears at the crime scene, while he's bed-laden and looking and microscopic samples and photos and stuff.

    The technology they use to allow a quadriplegic to be a detective was amazing. All Denzel had to do was blow on this thingy, and he can activate anything he wanted on his bed, including his super computer. Sweet......

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    So you see, THE BONE COLLECTOR had all the makings of a great serial killer movie. I loved Angelina Jolie as a reluctant heroine. I loved Denzel as a paralyzed patient who's mind is sharper than anyone else's. I loved the goofy supporting cast who act gay, yet can identify and sort of hair sample just from sticking it under a microscope. This was a real forensics team!

    But alas, the revelation of the killer totally killed the movie. You were like, who the fuck is this prick? He/She's a killer? No way! The writers of the movie tried to hard to be unpredictable, but only succeeded in all of a sudden making this movie turn sour. That was pretty damn unpredictable.

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    THE BONE COLLECTOR is a fun movie, and sans the climax, it is a great piece of acting and suspenseful plotting. Angelina is a hottie, and I'll be looking for more of her work. She was in GIA, an acclaimed made-for-cable movie that no one watched. She was also in various other small movies. She'll be the in the upcoming 60's rebellion flick GIRL, INTERRUPTED with Winona Ryder, so that should be a delicious babe pairup.

    Damn, she's gorgeous. So versatile. Can do the glamour look, or the hippie look, or the grungy look, and she'd still look good. Those lips...... I'm entranced!!!

Grade: B-
Babe-o-meter: 4- (Angelina Jolie is a fox!)