(By Gerry Wang)
VIDEO PICK OF THE WEEK #9 (And Final)
by Gerry Wang
_____I would like to
announce that this will be my final VIDEO PICK OF THE
WEEK. There there. I know you will miss my retarded
ravings. But don't worry. Although I intend to lessen my
Rice World load, I will still contribute human interest
stories periodically. Here's a napkin. Wipe your tears.
(Neve Campbell, Denise Richards, Kevin Bacon, Matt
_____This movie is one
of the most horrific I have ever seen. We see Kevin
Bacon's schlong. That is enough to lower my opinion of my
film. It was plain sick. I apologize to all the fags in
my audience. You guys enjoyed the penis exposure. I
didn't. There's nothing wrong w/ being gay. Don't worry.
I'm not a homophobe.
_____But let us pretend
that the Kevin Bacon willy shot was not in the movie.
What's left behind is a movie that actually caught me off
guard by its plot twists and double crossings. I found
myself enjoying it whole lot. I'm usually the one making
sarcastic, smartass comments predicting where the plot
will lead. But this time, it threw me off. Pretty
impressive feat in my book.
_____The other standout
aspect of this film is the chicks and the sex scenes.
Where else can you get a non-porno threesome starring
bitches that are famous and look so damn fine? Nowhere,
I'm telling you. If you wanna get this menage a trois
stuff, you gotta go to that closed off section w/ a
curtain at your local video store. This is why I
recommend WILD THINGS.
_____WILD THINGS stars
Neve Campbell and Denise Richards as two high school
chicks who happen to be rivals of each other. Neve
Campbell does her usual punkish outsider role, but Denise
Richards steals the whole movie. She got implants. I
swear. They were never that perky. Did you watch STARSHIP
TROOPERS? Or MIGHTY DUCKS? She was flatter there. But
here, damn she got big uns. And holy cow she is a hottie.
You will love the 3 way scene. Trust me.
_____Matt Dillon and
Kevin Bacon also star in this movie as a high school
teacher and cop, respectively. Bill Murray also has a
hilarious role as a Larry H. Parker-ish attorney. Damn,
that man is funny. Too bad his other movies aren't.
_____The plot involves
Denise Richards and Neve Campbell accusing Matt Dillon,
their high school teacher, of raping them. They go to
court, and then the plot just goes haywire from there,
and I don't want to divulge any of the surprising twists
and turns the plot makes. Go let yourself be shocked.
Chick-o-meter: 1 (Oh my goodness, besides Kevin Bacon's
frankfurter, there is absolutely no appeal to women,
except those who enjoy a good threesome)