Wild Things
(By Gerry Wang)

Gerry Wang

_____I would like to announce that this will be my final VIDEO PICK OF THE WEEK. There there. I know you will miss my retarded ravings. But don't worry. Although I intend to lessen my Rice World load, I will still contribute human interest stories periodically. Here's a napkin. Wipe your tears.

(Neve Campbell, Denise Richards, Kevin Bacon, Matt Dillon)

_____This movie is one of the most horrific I have ever seen. We see Kevin Bacon's schlong. That is enough to lower my opinion of my film. It was plain sick. I apologize to all the fags in my audience. You guys enjoyed the penis exposure. I didn't. There's nothing wrong w/ being gay. Don't worry. I'm not a homophobe.

_____But let us pretend that the Kevin Bacon willy shot was not in the movie. What's left behind is a movie that actually caught me off guard by its plot twists and double crossings. I found myself enjoying it whole lot. I'm usually the one making sarcastic, smartass comments predicting where the plot will lead. But this time, it threw me off. Pretty impressive feat in my book.

_____The other standout aspect of this film is the chicks and the sex scenes. Where else can you get a non-porno threesome starring bitches that are famous and look so damn fine? Nowhere, I'm telling you. If you wanna get this menage a trois stuff, you gotta go to that closed off section w/ a curtain at your local video store. This is why I recommend WILD THINGS.

_____WILD THINGS stars Neve Campbell and Denise Richards as two high school chicks who happen to be rivals of each other. Neve Campbell does her usual punkish outsider role, but Denise Richards steals the whole movie. She got implants. I swear. They were never that perky. Did you watch STARSHIP TROOPERS? Or MIGHTY DUCKS? She was flatter there. But here, damn she got big uns. And holy cow she is a hottie. You will love the 3 way scene. Trust me.

_____Matt Dillon and Kevin Bacon also star in this movie as a high school teacher and cop, respectively. Bill Murray also has a hilarious role as a Larry H. Parker-ish attorney. Damn, that man is funny. Too bad his other movies aren't.

_____The plot involves Denise Richards and Neve Campbell accusing Matt Dillon, their high school teacher, of raping them. They go to court, and then the plot just goes haywire from there, and I don't want to divulge any of the surprising twists and turns the plot makes. Go let yourself be shocked.

Chick-o-meter: 1 (Oh my goodness, besides Kevin Bacon's frankfurter, there is absolutely no appeal to women, except those who enjoy a good threesome)