(By Gerry Wang)
VIDEO PICK OF THE WEEK #5
by Gerry Wang
(Casper Van Dien, Dina Meyer, Denise Richards, Neil
Patrick Harris, directed by Paul Verhoeven)
_____I must apologize
for my one week self-imposed vacation. I had midterms and
papers and all that other college crap. So, to make up
for it, I will write an excellent Video Pick of the Week
#5. I know how you all love my horrible grammar and
mistake-filled mechanics. I bet you're wondering, How the
hell did that ESL student get into UCLA...... Don't
worry, I wonder the same thing.
_____This week, my
VPOTW is STARSHIP TROOPERS, a satirical sci-fi war movie
starring Casper Van Dien (TARZAN AND THE LOST CITY), Dina
Meyer (DRAGONHEART), superhot babe Denise Richards (WILD
THINGS), and that fag-lookin' Neil Patrick Harris (DOOGIE
HOWSER). It was directed by Paul Verhoeven, who also
directed some of my favorite movies such as BASIC
INSTINCT and SHOWGIRLS, which was unfairly ripped by
_____Van Dien plays the
main character Rico, a young ideological teen attending
high school in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Meyer plays
Dizzy, who likes Rico, but unfortunately he's with
Carmen, played by the babealicious Denise Richards.
Doogie Howser plays Karl or some fruity name. I forgot
because he wasn't in it that much.
_____Well, back to the
story, the trio (sans Karl, because he's lame) has just
graduated HS and are now considering their future
endeavors. Dizzy's gonna go play football, and Carmen
joins the Air Force. Rico follows his love and enlists in
the Mobile Infantry. You know, the grunts on the front
line. He ain't all that bright, so MI is all he could
_____I was working in
the Convention Center a couple years ago while STARSHIP
TROOPERS was being filmed. So it was cool watching them
use the Convention Center as a sorry excuse for a
futuristic setting. It somehow made me conscious of the
setting, and it distracted me. Darn it. Heh heh.
_____To summarize the
plot w/o giving too much away, Earth is in conflict with
a galaxy of planets inhabited by huge arachnids that
insist on throwing meteors at Earth. So Earth decides to
send troops to exterminate the huge bugs. Of course, the
huge bugs aren't the easy push-overs the Earthlings
thought they would be. The rest is a bloodbath as
soliders are mutilated and mangled, bugs are shot to bits
and blown into kingdom come. Take a wild guess at the
end. Hmmm, do the humans (good guys) win? Or do the bugs
(bad guys) win? Gee, Watson, I do be stumped. But the
plot is meaningless to this movie. This movie rocks
because of the sheer ambition it displays.
movie there are satires of old fashioned World War II
propoganda. You know, like "Everybody! Help Uncle
Sam and do your part to help win the war!" And then
you see little kids stomping on cockroaches. Hilarious!
It made me appreciate this movie as an anti-war message.
The ultra-violence and bloody deaths of the war the
scenes shock you on a level similar to SAVING PRIVATE
RYAN. I remember watching the movie, and going "Holy
mother of god, I would be shittin' bricks if I was in a
war. War sucks! All these young people dying painful
effects are top notch in STARSHIP TROOPERS. There are
more CGI shots than JURASSIC PARK. It holds the record
for the most machine gun shells ever fired in a movie.
And the arachnids, whoa they are scary sons of bitches.
You shoot em and they still go at you. I can honestly say
that driving home from the theater, I was scared a bug
was going to leap out at me. That's how disturbed I was
by STARSHIP TROOPERS. It made me more scared of bugs than
I already am.
_____So rent STARSHIP
TROOPERS if you want to watch a bloody, limb severing
movie. And believe me, when you go to sleep, you'll be
dreaming of whole hordes of arachnids storming to your
house, and you'll wake up and urinate in your trousers.
Chick-o-meter: 1 (while there are nude love/shower
scenes, girls will not enjoy the ripping to shreds of