KICKOFF.gif (6464 bytes)

(By Rice World Staff)

by None, Rice, Gerry

     Yeap, you read that right. The ass of the week feature has been abolished as of the week 15 picks in the 1999 NFL season for Rice World. Why? Well, first off everybody has gotten pretty blasť about the whole Ass of the Week idea. "Oh, so who's ass this week, by the way?"... "I have no idea."... "Oh well, who cares."... Heh heh. I think all of us have grown used to being perennial asses, that being marked as Ass no longer makes a difference. Plus, it saves me time (albeit a few seconds at best) when formatting the picks for each week. What can you say? I'm a lazy webmaster. Not proud of it, but I face the facts. =) Okay, enough mindless meandering about nothing. Football has seen a few shocks this past week, with Miami and Seattle taking free falls from first place in their respective divisions. 2 more weeks left in the regular season. Teams that have a chance or control their own destiny no longer have any room for error. Without further ado:

Wins Losses Locks Back
None 126 77 10-4 ---
Rice 124 79 8-6 2
Gerry 122 81 8-6 4
kurupt 9 5 1-0 N/A


Week 1 Week 2 Week 3 Week 4
Gerry 10-5 - 9-6 - 8-6 + 11-3 +
None 9-6 + 10-5 + 9-5 + 12-2 -
Rice 8-7 + 11-4 - 8-6 - 10-4 -
kurupt N/A N/A N/A 9-5 +
Week 5 Week 6 Week 7 Week 8
Gerry 7-7 - 4-10 + 10-4 + 8-6 -
None 6-8 + 9-5 + 10-4 - 10-4 +
Rice 7-7 + 5-9 + 9-5 - 7-7 -
Week 9 Week 10 Week 11 Week 12
Gerry 6-8 - 13-2 + 10-5 + 10-5 -
None 7-7 - 8-7 + 8-7 - 11-4 +
Rice 9-5 + 9-6 + 11-4 + 10-5 -
Week 13 Week 14 Week 15 Week 16
Gerry 7-8 + 9-6 + N/A N/A
None 8-7 + 9-6 + N/A N/A
Rice 10-5 + 10-5 + N/A N/A


Ass of the Week -- ABOLISHED


steelerssmall.gif (1522 bytes)  vs  chiefssmall.gif (1052 bytes)
Pittsburgh Steelers @ Kansas City Chiefs
Gerry: Pittsburgh
None: Kansas City

Rice: Kansas City

None: A huge win at home against the Vikings last week put the Chiefs right back into the playoff chase, tied with Seattle at 8-5 with one head-to-head matchup to go. Damn, they can play at home, and they feel it. Will the Chiefs make the playoffs? Find out next week, in the next episode of -dramatic pause and then a huge explosion - NFL Weekly Picks at Rice World! They'll win this one, though.

Gerry: I don't like the Chiefs. I've given up my anti-Beefalo stance and now I'm purely anti-Chief. They deserved to lose against Minnesota. Their special teams suck. Pitts ain't any better, but Slash as Slash again makes them a whole new different team.

Rice: I still see potential for this Pittsburgh team. If Stewart can step up his leadership and show some confidence, they can play w/ the big boys. However, this one's at Arrowhead... and well, you know how the stadium devours visitors...

49erssmall.gif (1436 bytes)  vs  pantherssmall.gif (1186 bytes)
San Francisco 49ers @ Carolina Panthers
Gerry: Carolina
None: San Francisco

Rice: Carolina

None: I would pick Carolina, but I really don't care. They have a despicable human being on their team, one who shot his estranged pregnant girlfriend, who died this week. It's just sad. Also, the fact that this happened will probably rip apart the team... it's just a sick story...

Gerry: The Niners finally got a win last week, so they'll continue to make our lives easier by losing again. Beuerlein should be in the Pro-Bowl, if there's any justice in the world. He'll tear the Niner defense up.

Rice: The 49ers show too much dependency on Charlie Garner. George Seifert knows this team well, and he'll know how to shut them down. Panthers in a no-brainer in my book.

chargerssmall.gif (779 bytes)  vs  dolphinssmall.gif (1791 bytes)
San Diego Chargers @ Miami Dolphins
Gerry: Miami
None: San Diego

Rice: Miami

None: Here we go, the upset pick of the week. Miami has lost 4 of their last 5, and the faithful have begun to question Marino's play. San Diego is playing for pride, and with a nice win in Seattle last week, come into this game on a high. I have a feeling about this one, and many other non-playoff team/ playoff contender matchups. This week will be nuts in the NFL. Or maybe I am...

Gerry: The Dolphins can't seem to win anywhere. To keep their playoff chances alive, they must beat a very beatable Charger team. People are starting to question Jimmy Johnson's coaching abilities. Well, who can blame him when he's got no running back?

Rice: One reason why Dan Marino has survived as an eliete for so long in the league is his mental ability to bounce back, even after two consecutive disappointing losses. He's a professional, and he won't whine and point fingers at anyone but himself. Plus, the Dolphin's opponents are the hapless Chargers...

giantssmall.gif (584 bytes)   vs  ramssmall.gif (699 bytes)
New York Giants @ St. Louis Rams
Gerry: St. Louis
None: St. Louis

Rice: St. Louis

None: Sorry, folks, no upset here. A win practically clinches home-field advantage throughout the playoffs... Damn, it would have been nice to hear "The road to the Super Bowl goes through Los Angeles..." Ah, well, it's in St. Louis, and the Rams have a fine team... watch them rip apart the Giants.

Gerry: I actually like the Giants a lot here, but they're injury-plagued defense is troubling me, especially with the emergence of Torry Holt as another offensive weapon for Kurt Warner. So it will be the same old, same old-- Rams victory and Super Bowl hype.

Rice: New York's secondary is banged up pretty bad. And coming up against the Rams... oh my, watch the pigskin fly. Marshall Faulk is my vote for NFC MVP. The man can do it all. He makes Kurt Warner and the rest of the Rams  look good.

falconssmall.gif (644 bytes)  vs  titanssmall.gif (1018 bytes)
Atlanta Falcons @ Tennessee Titans
Gerry: Tennessee
None: Tennessee

Rice: Tennessee

None: Gee, Atlanta loses to San Francisco last week. Thanks a lot, biatches. Uh, go Titans.

Gerry: No upset here, as Eddie George will tally 120+ total yards and a couple TDs. McNair will add another rushing TD, and since that's 21 points, the Falcons have no chance.

Rice: What else can I say here? Falcons are a gutter team. Tennessee is a playoff contender. Suck it up Atlanta, last season was a sorry fluke. Where's your dirty bird now?

redskinssmall.gif (1793 bytes)  vs  coltssmall.gif (1927 bytes)
Washington Redskins @ Indianapolis Colts
Gerry: Washington
None: Indianapolis

Rice: Washington

None: I thought long and hard about this one... Indy's due to lose, and could it be against the offensive powerhouse Redskins? After all, Washington's in the NFC East, and the young Colts aren't playing a familiar team. However, in Indianapolis, the Skins don't have what it takes to stop the powerhouse Colts (namely, a defense) So, what is this - 9, 10, 11 for a row for the Colts? Gee.

Gerry: Going for a huge upset in this one. Indy's primed to lose this game, because Wash has a pretty good big 3 themselves in Johnson, Davis, and Westbrook. What will make the difference is defense, and I believe the Redskin secondary will step up.

Rice: I'm picking Washington out of sheer hope. I really want the Colts to lose, so my beloved Bills have a shot at the division title! They still have a sliver of a chance! C'mon Redskins... unleash Stephen Davis, Brad Johnson and Michael Westbrook. Open a can o' whoopass...

lionssmall.gif (559 bytes)  vs  bearssmall.gif (1018 bytes)
Detroit Lions @ Chicago Bears
Gerry: Chicago
None: Detroit

Rice: Detroit

None: Detroit lost a dissapointing game in Tampa Bay last week, but they must win to stay alive in the playoff chase. They control their own destiny... against a Chicago team that has shown sparks this year, they should win. And they will.

Gerry: Another upset. Shit me. But they're coming off a bye, Detroit's coming a huge loss, and Cade McNown is starting. This means big numbers for Marcus Robinson and a win.

Rice: Almost went w/ Chicago there... until I found out McNown was starting. Expect rookie inconsistencies against a Lions team which has lots to lose, and will therefore play well. I suspect this one will be close, though.

jagssmall.gif (1459 bytes)  vs  brownssmall.gif (1058 bytes)
Jacksonville Jaguars @ Cleveland Browns
Gerry: Jacksonville
None: Jacksonville

Rice: Jacksonville

None: Believe it or not, I still thought upset in this game. After all, the Jaguars struggled mightily against the Broncos last Monday Night, and that means they got one less day to prepare... yet, I don't think so...these are the Browns, after all.

Gerry: Duh. Fred Taylor will run buck wild, then sit the 2nd half. As will the rest of the Jaguar starters. So expect a closer score than it's supposed to be.

Rice: The Browns... they have a long way to go, man. Jacksonville's come a long way since their expansion. They're a powerhouse now.

saintssmall.gif (959 bytes)  vs  ravenssmall.gif (1351 bytes)
New Orleans Saints @ Baltimore Ravens
Gerry: Baltimore
None: Baltimore

Rice: Baltimore

None: Baltimore has played better as of late, while the Saints....haven't.

Gerry: Did you see Qadry Ismail last week? Everything he caught went for a long TD. Won't be the same here, but he's now the go-to guy in Balt. Plus Tony Banks is on fire and their running game is coming around. This is the Raven team I envisioned at the beginning of the season, but instead they made me look like an idiot.

Rice: If Ricky Williams was playing for sure, then I'd suck it up and pick the Saints. But alas, turf toe still bothers the rookie running back, therefore the Saints are nothing without their franchise player. Ditka should get outta there. I'm surprised the fans haven't lynched him yet for being such a loser.

patssmall.gif (599 bytes)  vs  eaglessmall.gif (1537 bytes)
New England Patriots @ Phil. Eagles
Gerry: New England
None: New England

Rice: New England

None: The Patriots are right back in the playoff hunt, and they'll win this one.

Gerry: The Pats almost pulled it off last week, but again they lost a tough one. They'll beat the shit out of this Philly team, but it's too little, too late.

Rice: Hmm... ESPN's Number Game show that the Patriots have never won at Philadelphia before. Plus they're on an ugly losing streak, with players that talk the talk but don't walk the walk. Ack! I'll still go w/ New England simply because this Eagles team sux0rs.

bucssmall.gif (1751 bytes)  vs  raiderssmall.gif (1530 bytes)
Tampa B. Buccaneers @ Oakland Raiders
Gerry: Oakland
None: Tampa Bay

Rice: Oakland

None: Tampa Bay impressed me, as I didn't think their defense could hold up against divisional opponents Detroit and Minnesota in consecutive breaks. Shaun King has shown enough, and against a down-and-out Raiders team, they'll beat them...pretty bad.

Something tells me they'll get Shaun King out of his game. What the Raiders have to do is eliminate those pussy dump off plays to Dunn and Alstott that I love for fantasy football, but detest for Rice World pick 'em football since it beats me.

Rice: Alright, Bucs rookie QB Shaun King has been flying high for T.B., but it's time for him to come back to earth. Oakland's gritty, and I love how John Gruden coaches his team. Raiders in a squeaker.

seahawkssmall.gif (866 bytes)  vs  broncossmall.gif (999 bytes)
Seattle Seahawks @ Denver Broncos
Gerry: Seattle
None: Denver

Rice: Denver

None: Denver almost beat the supposed best team in the league in Jacksonville. Against a Seahawks team that has blown a three game lead over Kansas City in the West, I think they'll come through. This one's in Mile High, and this one's another upset.

Gerry: The losing streak must stop. Denver is freakin tough as nails. But the Seahawks can't possibly let the Chiefs win the AFC West. That's freakin embarassing. Seattle has the most talent in the division, hands down.

Rice: Yes! Denver's tough at home, and Seattle's freefall comes courtesy of their disappearing running game. Their run defense is pretty weak, so Olandis Gary will open up opportunities for rookie QB of the year Brian Griese to heave it up for Rod Smith and Ed McCafferey.

jetssmall.gif (736 bytes)  vs  cowboyssmall.gif (794 bytes)
New York Jets @ Dallas Cowboys
Gerry: Dallas
None: NY Jets

Rice: Dallas

None: Another upset... why? Dallas has quietly gained 6,7 wins without showing much. The Jets are playing their hearts out, and Parcells is one guy who won't let his team rest or give up. They can beat anyone, and I think Dallas is due to lose at home. Hell ya!

Gerry: Damn the Jets, they're like Denver. Teams want to avoid them like the plague. But unfortunately Dallas is immune. Deion's on offense baby. Watch him catch a long one in this game.

Rice: As much as I loathe the fux0red Cowboys, I've never seen a team so dominating at home. It don't matter if you put a peewee team in Texas Stadium, they'll pull out a victory.

billssmall.gif (830 bytes)  vs  cardssmall.gif (1052 bytes)
Buffalo Bills @ Arizona Cardinals
Gerry: Arizona
None: Buffalo

Rice: Buffalo

None: Damn Bills have looked so inconsistent at times. Well, their loss to NYG last week leaves them no room for mistake with Miami, New England, Seattle, and KC breathing down their necks. To continue this crowded playoff picture, they must win. And they will. Hell, they better.

Gerry: The one time I take the Bills, they tank it. Hell, I should take em again so they'll lose, but that's just plain stupid. So this time I legitimately want the Cards, because they match up well w/ the Bills, especially w/ the passing game.

Rice: Damn that Doug Flutie... he gives me a heart attack every week. Buffalo needs a more consistent QB. I love Mr. 10-10-321 (or was it 345?), but he lacks the consistency of Jim Kelly. However, I will never go against them. Each week I think my little picks for them send out an invisible force of encouragement. Man, am I obsessed or what? =)

packerssmall.gif (691 bytes)  vs  vikingssmall.gif (1892 bytes)
Green Bay Packers @ Minnesota Vikings
Gerry: Minnesota
None: Minnesota

Rice: Green Bay

None: Green Bay has no defense. Minnesota's offense has looked better with Jeff George, last week's loss at Tampa notwithstanding. The Vikings can, and should beat these guys...yet, I'm not getting a good feeling about this game...ah well.

Gerry: The Vikings will wake up for this rivalry game. Randy Moss will do all the work, since Cris Carter's out. The Packers should won last week against the Panthers. It was a huge letdown at home, and this spells a long slide to the finale of the season.

Rice: What team do I despise? Yes! The Vikings! Down with them purple jersey'd frauds! I must admit their offense is still as potent as any in the league, but it CAN be shut down. Packers defense will be the spotlight in this game.

bengalssmall.gif (1350 bytes)
{ Bye week }
None: OVERALL ANALYSIS- Mark my words: Jacksonville, Tennessee, Indy, and St. Louis are all prime candidates for playoff upsets. Why? Indy & St. Louis are too inexperienced, and St. Louis already has lost their only two close games all year. The Colts are due to lose; they're too young to win out and win it all... Meanwhile, Jacksonville and Tenn. are both unproven, with their weak schedules (same with the Rams). But what will it take to beat these teams? Someone who plays close games, has a great defense, and a quarterback ready to rise to the challenge. Maybe it's just the fan in me speaking, but I still think the answer to that question is Buffalo...

Gerry: OVERALL ANALYSIS (Wow! He speaks)- I believe Indy will lose in the first round of the playoffs. The Rams will only win if they get an easy matchup, and I think they will. But Jax will represent the AFC in the Super Bowl, and they'll face........... tune in next week.


Gerry's LOCK OF THE WEEK: Oakland -> The Raiders seem like a safe bet this week, especially since their defense will feast on an inexperienced QB. I really like the Bucs, but they stop here. Huh huh huh.
None's LOCK OF THE WEEK: San Diego -> I dunno, man, Miami's on the downslide, and San Diego showed some pride in beating Seattle last week. Maybe it's the egg nog getting to my head, but oh well.
Rice's LOCK OF THE WEEK: Green Bay -> Three times in a row against the Vikings? Sure why not?!? Man, I'm off my rocker... Maybe cuz finals are over! =)