(By Gerry Wang)
NBA 1999 PREVIEW
by Gerry Wang
_____Where do I find
the time to do this crap? Geez. I have a shitload of
homework, a bunch of stupid tests, 16 hours of slave
labor a week, and yet I find the time to write compelling
journalistic articles for my rabid fans. (all 3 of them)
_____How do I motivate
myself, you ask? I mean, look at Kansur's Song of the
"Week", which should be more like Song of the
Epoch. I guess a cut and paste article is a little too
arduous, huh? I'm just joking! College sucks. It
totally destroys free time. I know I yap about how it's
great, and it is, but damn when the stress hits, it packs
a wallop. Kansur's just feeling the crushing pressure in
his first year.
_____ Getting back to how I motivate myself. It
is very difficult to explain. Why do I keep writing? 1.)
I've known Rice since he was a fetus, 2.) I procrastinate
when it comes to HW, thus the spare time, 3.) The
constant clicking of the keyboard makes me sound diligent
and hard-working, and most of all, in regards to THIS
article, 4.) THE NBA IS BACK!!!!!!
_____Let me take a few
breaths and wipe away my tears of joy. I love basketball.
It is my favorite sport to play and watch. When I cut
myself, Gatorade bleeds out of my veins. When I die, I
want to be buried under a basketball court.
_____So I am giddily
writing this preview of the 1999 NBA Season. I know SI or
ESPN Magazine won't hire my stupid ESL ass, so you guys
have the exclusive rights to my insights. Eat your heart
out SI!!!! You want $1.49 an issue??? Are you shittin'
_____I will rank the
teams by their respective conferences, and give a few of
my insights on each team. Then I'll give you my picks for
the NBA Finals. Some teams, such as Suckramento may not
get as much attention, because they stink, and why should
I sacrifice the precious little time I have before carpal
tunnel syndrome hits on a crappy basketball team?
_____So here is the 1st
Annual Gerry Wang NBA Preview. Pending Rice's approval,
there may be a few pics.
_____Hey everyone, I'm
gonna take time out here to thank Rice for taking care of
all the pictures in my articles. All I do is upload JPGs,
and he takes care of the rest. He's as much a part of my
writing as I am.
LOS ANGELES LAKERS- Even though I am sick and
tired of watching the Lakers run their entire
offense through Shaq, the strategy will still
work effectively. The essential nucleus still
remains, with the only significant loss being the
sorry Nick Van Exel. They replace him w/ Derek
Harper, whose veteran leadership will be vital to
the Laker's success. Now it seems Rodman is ready
to grace us with his presence.
--> Player to watch: Kobe Bryant- ready
to blow up after signing a huge contract. Damn boy, trim
that fro already.
PHOENIX SUNS- With the addition of Tom Gugliotta,
Phoenix can now boast an all-white starting
line-up. Laugh all you want, but Jason Kidd, Rex
Chapman, Luc Longley, and Tom Gugliotta can light
up any team.
--> Player to watch:
Jason Kidd- he will average near triple-double
figures. Definitely the next Bob Cousy, if not
the next Magic Johnson.
SEATTLE SUPERSONICS- Starting to fade, starting
to age. Their most glaring weakness is the front
court. No center, no beefy power forward. Vin
Baker's good, but too finesse. But they still
have all-world point guard Gary Payton, who will
probably score more points.
Player to watch: Jelani McCoy- my fellow UCLA
dude! All he does is dunk and block shots. Let's
hope he gets playing time because he's a
PORTLAND TRAILBLAZERS- Traditionally a team of
miscreants, they will self-destruct as usual.
Name one player without a gangsta hairdo. But
along the way they'll upset some folks. They've
got some athletes, and a solid center in Arvydas
Sabonis, a solid point in Damon Stoudamire. Now
they've added Jim Jackson.
Player to watch: Kelvin Cato- he's gonna block a
lot of shots. I love watching blocks. I like to
dream that I have that type of hops.
SACRAMENTO KINGS- On paper, they look decent, but
come game time, they stinketh. They added Vlade
Divac. Whoopee. Never liked like bearded
Euro-wimp. But Suckramento's got some size now in
the low post. Chris Webber, Vlade, Corliss
Williamson. I won't be surprised if they
outrebound some teams.
Player to watch: Chris Webber- still one of my
favorite players, regardless of his
throat-slitting, marijuana smoking, shoulder
GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS- It was tough to pick who
would finish last. The Clippers? Or the Warriors?
Had to go w/ the Warriors because they actually
have decent middle of the road players now that
they dealt Sprewell.
Player to watch: Antawn Jamison- potential Rookie
of the Year candidate? Perhaps. We'll see.
LOS ANGELES CLIPPERS- Last and VERY least we have
the woeful Clippers. They couldn't GIVE tickets
away. Lamond Murray will lead the team in
scoring, and then get traded away for a less
valuable player. Why? Because the Clippers' front
office delights in trading away talent and
getting beans in return.
--> Player to watch: Michael Olowokandi-
was he worth the hype? He basically mooned the NBA and
bolted for Europe when the lockout started. Now he got
released from his Italian teams amidst rumors he wasn't
living up to expectations. We'll see!
1.) LA Lakers
2.) Phoenix Suns
3.) Seattle Supersonics
4.) Portland Trailblazers
5.) Sacramento Kings
6.) Golden State Warriors
7.) LA Clippers
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