(By Gerry Wang)
_____Welcome, ladies and
gentleman, to one of the most dangerous battlegrounds on Earth. No, not
Bosnia-Herzegovina. Not Rwanda. No, I am referring to Gerry's head. There is constantly
something bouncing around in there, whether it be profound (like the whole tree falling in
the forest thing) or inane (like my favorite sandwich), Gerry's head never seems to have a
moment of tranquility. Not even in sleep. No, Gerry is a dreamer-type.
_____Now, let us take
a glimpse inside Gerry's head
.. fasten your seat belts. If you are curious as
to what format I'm using, you can refer to the 2nd page of the LA Times Sports Page, or
Rick Reilly in the back of SI. Yes, the best way to compare this new weekly article is as
Point After in SI. Here we go.
--> Well, I wanna wish everyone a safe and
happy Spring Break. Mine was pretty bland. The most significant thing I did was buy myself
a $90 pair of Nikes, made by the finest sweatshops in China.
--> Hey, everyone should watch THE MATRIX. It's da bomb. Trust me. I wasn't too
thrilled by the trailer or sci-fi premise, but after I watched it I was blown away.
--> Gerry's Top 5 Favorite Albums of the Year (+/- a year):
1.) 2PAC - Greatest Hits: a must-have for rap lovers
2.) LAURYN HILL - Miseducation of Lauryn Hill: she didn't win Best Album of thet Year for
3.) JERMAINE DUPRI - Life in 1472: great rap shit
4.) 98 DEGREES - 98 Degrees and Rising: a lot of good, smooth slow jams; they bare too
much pec though
5.) 'N SYNC - 'N Sync: a good album that's very playable all the way through. They look
gay, but they can sing
HONORABLE MENTION: JAY-Z - Hard Knock Life, Vol.2
--> Did anyone see the WILD WILD WEST trailer? The one w/ Will Smith as a cowboy? Damn
it looks stupid. It's just a lot of people falling through the roof of a train over and
--> Now the STAR WARS: THE PHANTOM MENACE Trailer B was so freakin awesome. It was so
good I almost went into a seizure in anticipation of May 19. I'm gonna watch it at least 5
times. Mark my words. I'm starting to save up for it. Plus I'll go dressed in my Obi-Wan
costume. Heh heh. Fine, it's just a dirty ol bathrobe, but hey, the light-saber in my
pants is deadly, if you catch my drift......
--> Congrats to UCONN. Before the game started, I looked in the eyes of the players,
and I just knew UCONN will pull it off. DUKE looked like it had too much pressure on their
shoulders, just by the way they talked and strutted. Richard Hamilton is so smooth. Like a
skinny Shareef Abdur-Rahim. So how the hell did he finish 5th in the John Wooden Award,
which was won by DUKE player Elton Brand?
--> For the best coverage of the brouhaha going on in Kosovo, don't tune into CNN.
Check out the Daily Show on Comedy Central. Their daily "Kick in the Balkans
'99" coverage is drop dead funny. One funny segment involved the crack
"on-site" coverage guy describing the situation, cutting to shots of DOOM to
show the soldiers during ground combat. He goes, "Notice how the Serbs are hideous
monsters that can shoot fireballs out of their hands. Quite a formidable enemy." Or
something like that. Hilarious. Check local listings.
--> I busted my entire left hand, jamming each finger in individual incidents, during
my 6 days of basketball at Almansor. Not only that, when I woke up my left knee was messed
up. That night I watched ROBOCOP and wished I had cyber-bionic limbs.
--> Anyone using E-Trade? What the hell is the $15/month thing? For live quotes? Wtf?
--> My pick for the World Series: Los Angeles Dodgers vs. New York Yankees. TV stations
will be drooling at the big market money bonanza.
--> I don't really like baseball. In fact, I think BASEBALL TONIGHT is a sign that God
really does exist because it condenses every game of the day into a nice collection of
highlights. Just show me the home runs and tell me important facts, and I'm happy. Best
thing since sliced bread.
--> Rising stars of the MLB: Vladimir Guerrero, Montreal; JD Drew, St. Louis; Travis
Lee, Arizona; Scott Rolen, Philly......... there are more
--> Mark McGwire will not hit 70 this year. Sammy won't even reach 50. Too much
pressure, plus the Cubs will suck ass since Kerry Wood is gone for the year.
--> I know your college admissions and rejections are starting to roll in. Let me once
again laud UCLA as the finest non-technical academic institution in LA County. You won't
regret coming here, unless you get one of the shitty roach motels as your dorm. If you get
Sunset Village, which is where I live, you'll be living in paradise.
--> I'm still doing the Asian Beauties pictorial, but it's such a pain in the ass to
find good pictures since they're always nude! I end up having to cut out the head. What an
asspain. Plus I can't come up w/ that many since I'm loyal to Sung Hi.
--> Anyone proficient at Web page making? I wanna start a web site called "The
Cyber-Lawsuit," where you can sue someone over the Net, and have people be a jury and
a real judge as a mediator. You can choose either "authentic" mode, where you
really sue for money (below $500), or you can choose "petty" mode, where you can
sue for a trillion dollars, and the verdict is determined by anyone who visits but isn't
taken too seriously. Please contact me if you can help me set this up.
--> JOKE OF THE WEEK: What do you call 69 between two midgets? 34.5!!!
--> TRIVIA QUESTION OF THE WEEK: Once you speak my name, I no longer exist. What am I?
Winner gets a week's access to my site.