American Pie
(By Gerry Wang)

pielogo2.jpg (9735 bytes)AMERICAN PIE
(Jason Biggs, Chris Klein, Natasha Lyonne, Alyson Hannigan, Tara Reid, Eugene Levy, Jennifer Coolidge, James DeBello, Shannon Elizabeth, Eli Marienthal, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Sean William Scott, Mena Suvari, Eddie Kaye Thomas; directed and written by Paul and Chris Weitz)

by Gerry Wang

    Once in a while, a movie comes along that just totally pushes the boundaries of movies. ANIMAL HOUSE, REVENGE OF THE NERDS, THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY.... all those movies revolutionized the raunchy young adult debauchery genre. Ladies and gentlemen, the day before yesterday I was able to watch a test screening print of AMERICAN PIE. It wasn't perfect, some of the sound was badly dubbed, and it said "roll credits here" instead of usual stuff. But this is the next step in the evolution of the teen romance comedies.

    Forget everything you've seen in the previous teen romance movies. SHE's ALL THAT, 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU, all the teen horror flicks......... all are missing the zest for outrageousness and "willingness to push the envelope" of AMERICAN PIE. This is the ultimate raunchfest. Teens masturbating, having sex, performing oral sex, getting drunk, getting naked............. this movie has it all. But it wasn't a porno. It is actually a sweet nostalgic
americanpie-mastertitle.jpg (33917 bytes)retrospection of the cherish high school years.

    It totally reminded me of my high school days. How we would always strive to get laid, how we would always help one another in the conquest of chicks. We'd go to parties, get hammered, and try our asses off to sweet-talk a girl into doing it w/ us..... sometimes we succeeded, sometimes we didn't..... But the point is that the drive to get some was what united our friendships. The friendships that are cemented even today. Me and my friends still joke about the different times we tried to get on top of a girl, and brag about how good we are, how long we last, how many times she came..........

    AMERICAN PIE centers on a quartet of close friends in high school, all virgins, who are trying in vain to get laid before they graduate. The four friends are distinctly typecast, hilariously. There's Jim, the loser Adam Sandler type; Oz, the gentle jock; Finch, the ultimate spazz; and another dude w/ a girlfriend whose name I can't remember, that kid from ROOKIE OF THE YEAR.

    Anyways, they all make a pact to get laid by prom night, and to stop at nothing to help each other succeed. This is where all the fun begins.... Oz joins the jazz choir to enhance his sensitivity, Finch pays people to spread positive rumors about him, the ROOKIE OF THE YEAR guy eats his girlfriend's pussy out, Jim broadcasts a naked foreign exchange student who's in his bedroom over the Internet.......

    All these people get into hilarious predicaments, and we just laugh our asses off. Watch for the scene involving ejaculate and a cup of beer. THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY's hair gel pales in comparison to this. Also watch for nice penetration scenes and blowjobs. Nothing is too graphic and takes place off-screen, but damn, these are high school seniors! Just like you guys! And just like me a few years ago. I remember those good times where we finally got to 3rd base. According to AMERICAN PIE, 3rd base feels like a warm apple pie, and if you saw the trailer then you know what happens to Jim.

    What caught me off-guard was the sexual frankness of AMERICAN PIE. The writers acknowledge the fact that yes, teens are having sex, and are quite serious about it. It's never taken lightly. We see them doing it. Just like we did when we were kids. But what was also pretty cool was that it wasn't just the guys hitting on the girls. The females of the movie also play a great part, keeping the guys in check. They are the ones who have the final decision over whether there will be any fucking going on. Just like real life. Damn women! Don't you wish they'd just lay there and let you have your way? But damn you gotta wine and dine them, then participate in exhausting foreplay. I'm pretty bawdy, but hey, AMERICAN PIE had stuff even I never did....

    What makes this movie so lovable is its characterizations, but also its nostalgia. There's a tribute to THE GRADUATE, with the older woman seducing the younger kid that's drop dead funny. Plus there's a frat boy feel to all the sex talk and escapades. People who watch this will reminisce about their early years and smile. Whether Jim and his crew are victorious, well, I'll leave it up to you to go watch it. All I'll say is that by the end of the film, everyone will be clapping and cheering.

NOTE: Revelations about sexual shenanigans may be slightly embellished.

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Babe-o-meter: 3- Lovely (Nadja, the Czech exchange student, was so hot....perky tits, plus she fingered herself...... ohhh yeah.)